Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

The Judgment of Strangers


This is something that has been on my mind for a while.   

We recently were in the US visiting family and friends over the holidays.  While in transit at the Dallas Airport sitting at our gate, I just happened to looked up to see a women walking along bogged down with bags, an infant strapped to her chest and what looked like a four year old following behind her. 

She stopped to check on her daughter who began to throw a tantrum for whatever reasons (there rarely is one) and threw herself on the floor.  The mother was obviously in a hurry to catch a flight and had words with her daughter to that extent while grabbing her hand and pulling her along behind her, along with all their bags and the infant screaming in her ear.   Her daughter wiggled away and continued the tantrum.  The exhausted mother grabbed whatever limb she could manage too, which just happened to be her leg, and began pushing forward. 

Then out of the blue a woman stopped and I thought oh good some one is helping her.  I was bogged down with my own infant and bags, so was in no position to help.  Boy was I wrong, the woman began lecturing the mother about how she should never drag her child by the leg and that she is abusing her child by doing so.  The mother to her credit just told the woman to leave her alone and continued on with the two screaming children.  But the women followed her basically telling her what a bad mother she was being and she should respect her children more.  Luckily at this point the daughter got over her tantrum and stood up and the mother was able to make a hasty get away from this judgmental woman.

I was left shocked and disturbed by the audacity of this stranger who walked off with a self righteous spring in her step. 

First of all, anyone could have seen she was stressed and struggling.  As anyone with toddlers knows they can be frustrating and non-negotiable.  Basically you have to call their bluff to get them to do anything half the time.  And this mother, not caring about who saw her, called her toddlers bluff.  She did not hurt her child in any way she was just not putting up with the kids’ tantrum.  Most people you would think would have had the same thought I did: let me help you get to where you are going, rather than stopping her when she is clearly in a rush and lecture her about her parenting technique. 

When did it become okay for anyone to do pass judgment like this so publicly?  Honestly this woman could have done the mother a favor by keeping her mouth shut and walking on by.

Monday, February 24, 2014

The drop off



Today I dropped my 11 month old son off for his first day of daycare.  I found myself quite emotional afterwards even though I have been preparing myself for it for over a month.  Don’t get me wrong I believe daycare, as a whole, is a great thing for our children.  The socialization it provides cannot be duplicated at home with mom or dad.  I think the thing that got to me, was that this ends a chapter in my life that provided me with surprising joy and challenges. 

I remember back a year ago being 9 months pregnant still going to work fulltime and trying desperately to get my head around taking a whole 12 months off work to stay home and take care of a baby I hadn’t even met yet.  It was overwhelming and terrifying.  Plus I had such a great stake and pride in my work it would be hard to separate from it all.

Then it happened my little man came into the world.
 
Not to get all gushy about it, but my world changed and I had this little guy whose whole world was me (and dad of course).   Don’t get me wrong we had our ups and downs, as well as hide in the laundry moments.  The dependence on me was hard and frustrating at first, but the love that came with it was undeniable and consuming. 

Watching him grow and learn was fascinating.  He also became more independent and I guess that is what made today hard.  He is independent enough now not to rely solely on me (and dad of course), I can drop him off now for hours and he wont need me for a breastfeed, burb or pat.  And that is what I am emotional about, the closing of the chapter of my baby’s infant life and all his dependences on mom (and dad).  This brings with it many good things though like sleeping through the night, eating only 3 meals a day, lots more interaction and cuddles.  It’s not all bad that is for sure.


But I still find myself here sitting at the cusp of going back to work, back to that world that I was so overwhelmed to leave a year ago and all I can think is how much I would like to rewind the clock and do it all again.