A mother of boys

With my return to work and move to Canberra I have taken quite of bit time off writing this blog (not that I was a huge contributor before).  But with the on set of my next round of maternity leave a head of me, I thought it would be time to start up again.  So here is the first of many in the coming year I hope to publish on my blog and keep my writing dream alive.

I am going to be a mother of boys. 

This realisation has fallen heavily on my shoulders since the confirmation in the ultra sound room.  Our first child is a boy and now our second will be a boy. 

This realisation has brought on many emotions, as I had it set in my head that number two would be a girl.  We even had the name sorted and everything.  I had a feeling from the beginning there was a little girl in there and  this was even confirmed by my gorgeous slightly psychic Greek friend Mani.  From the moment he saw me pregnant  he said it was a girl with that confident Greek voodoo of his. 

But no, it is not meant to be as there was a definite and defining additional appendage on the ultrasound photo. 

I’m currently 8 months pregnant and the weight of what is a head of me is daunting.  Now don’t get me wrong, even if it was a girl it would be still very daunting.  However, I do feel very lonely in my sex.  Beside our dog, it will just be me of the female gender in our household. 

Yes, yes many people tell me just go for the third if you want a girl, but neither my mind nor my body is up for three children of any sex.  So, now is a time of acceptance and appreciation that this little baby boy growing rapidly inside me is healthy and hopefully happy.  I have to accept that there will be no little dresses or pretty shoes.  I have to accept there will be no passing on of jewellery or clothes such as wedding dresses. 

There is also a sadness that I cannot be that strong role model for a young girl and show her the way I have strived to be an independent, educated, opinionated and passionate women in all my pursuits.  I know these things are extremely important to be as a role model for my boys, but for some reason it will not feel the same as if I saw my daughter striving to be these things as well.

There is a relief involved with having boys.  They will not have as much societal pressure to be and look a certain way.  They will have a freedom that many young girls struggle to keep as they grow older.  They will have an amazing man to look up too, their father, who will teach them how to be a strong, emotional, caring and independent men.  I feel I will not have to worry as much about them as I would having daughters. It is not very progressive thing to say, but I would worry about the pressure to conform they would have to face. 

I do look forward to seeing my oldest boy have a brother and the bond they will form that will be stronger than anything I ever had with my brother.  It will be chaos and I know I will have loneliness and lots of points not understanding the male brain, but I chalk it up to another challenge thrown at me.  I will raise my boys with open mindedness and appreciation for all aspects of the world and hopefully I can be a strong enough role model for them.